


My Daisy

by onlyhereforellick



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, TW: anxiety attacks/self-harm/implied drug use, alt ep 17x14, angst central - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:09:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22377733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforellick/pseuds/onlyhereforellick
Summary: don’t blame me, love made me crazy.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 9
Kudos: 40





	My Daisy

When they’d gotten wind that Rebecca Weeks might not be as in the clear as they thought, Gibbs immediately offered his team as protection. Ellie recognized the wild look in his eye at the mention of Weeks’ life being in danger. She’d picked up on his fatherly vibes towards her—Gibbs had been impressed with her detective work and a soft spot developed. Ellie wasn’t mad about it, besides- he’d sent Nick with her for their protective duty shift. Pulling an all-nighter in a cramped car with nothing to do but talk to Nick? Well the idea terrified and excited her at the same time. Anytime they were close, Ellie could truly feel the electricity jump the gap between them. A tingling like she’d never experience before spread through her from their point of contact, and by the time they’d moved on, Ellie’s nerve endings always felt fried. No, she thought with a shadow of a grin, _I’m more than okay with this assignment_.

Nick insisted on driving, as per usual, and pulled the car into the cross-street alley out of sight. He put the car in park and leaned back into the seat with the heaviest sigh she’d heard in a while.

Her eyebrows raised questioningly in response, “Wanna talk about it?” She prompted, giving him the out if he so choose it.

Another sigh.

Holding her hands up in mock surrender, Ellie backed off, “Ok ok, never mind then.”

Nick stayed silent for so long she thought he really had dropped it. With a quiet but steady voice Nick finally shattered the silence, “It’s like poison ivy, you know?”

Ellie could not contain the confusion twisting her facial features. And before she had a chance to question his absurd statement, Nick continued, eyes staring out into the distance- unseeing.

“Love- it can be like poison ivy. It can grow and thrive, even in the weeds- even when it gets tough.” Ellie started to worry where he was going with this, it did not sound pleasant. “But poison ivy is all about deception. It serves one purpose, to manipulate you into believing it’s good- that it’s right. And then you give in to it’s wiles, but guess what?” Nick turned his head finally to face her, “It’s poison. It burns you, it causes agony, it brings anguish.”

Ellie tore her eyes from him to try and collect herself. She could feel her eyes dampen with unshed tears.

“And that kind of love, you stay far- _far_ away from,” Nick whispered as he slid a hand over to gently cover hers where it lay on her thigh. “You never want to touch poison ivy, caress it- no see, that would be a terrible decision. But—“

Wouldn’t you know it, Ellie’s entire being hinged on this next sentence. Her breath caught in her lungs as her throat constricted in anticipation.

“Love can also be like a daisy. Slowly blooming to reveal a beautiful piece of art. Each petal telling its own story, the elegance of it all together, breathtaking.” Ellie’s head slowly swiveled back towards Nick. “That love is soft, tender, timeless. It’s one you want to hold on to- pluck it and keep it your pocket forevermore.”

The man who once claimed he didn’t do touchy feely stuff was gazing at her like she meant the world. Ellie gulped at the intensity of his underlying unspoken emotion. And yet- she didn’t have to wait long for it to be confirmed aloud. Nick unbuckled his seatbelt and twisted his torso to face her better. Despite its low volume, Nick’s voice rang sure, “Ellie, I love you.”

She stuttered in surprise even though she read it on his face and in his words only moments before, “I’m-...I-“

Nick lifted a finger and placed it delicately on her lips, “I’m not expecting you to say it, B.” When her mouth shifted to form a slight frown under his finger, Nick offered a soft smile. “It’s okay, really. It might take time, Ellie, but I’m here. It’s just us now—you’re my daisy.”

And with that he dropped his finger as his head moved closer, his eyes asking permission to continue. Ellie’s nod was infinitesimal but Nick caught it. Her eyes fluttered closed right as his warm lips pressed to hers. His hand reaching up to rest on her cheek as he kept the kiss tender. The pure shock to her system of utter joy at the feeling of kissing Nick was indescribable. She felt a blinding light behind her closed eyelids as if the heavens had opened. Her body reacting to the intense rush of emotion it practically jolted her forward.

She felt her world tilt on its axis in the same moment Nick’s lips left hers. A whimper escaped her as she craved the feel of his kiss again. Reaching out to pull him back, her hands yielded nothing. Ellie went to blink her eyes open, but as quick as her world had shifted it came crashing back with a force so unimaginable it sent stars through Ellie’s blurred vision. Fading quickly to black the last image her mind registered was sure to haunt her for a long, long time—

_Nick. Draped through the windshield across the hood of their car. Lifeless, face down, white shirt slowly staining red._

* * *

It started out a low hum, slowly increasing in volume as if it was underwater. A shrill piercing noise broke through the surface, it took Ellie a second to place the voice— _her own_.

“NICK! NIIIIIICK! NIIICK!”

It was practically involuntary, the pull to screech his name over and over. Her vision was clouded though, she saw white surrounded by dark. But that white was quickly growing crimson red...until the rest of the image came into view.

_Nick, lifeless._

Her hands flew to her face immediately grasping at anything to erase the image burned to the back of her eyelids. A soft fabric caressed her cheeks all the while and the texture confused Ellie. It’s juxtaposition to the terror she felt was almost calming. Her eyes blinked open precariously to survey this new material. A light grey wool wrapped around her fingers, a thin profile glove on each hand. It seemed out of place- she was sure she didn’t put on gloves before getting in the car. Ellie’s mind tried to wade through the mud of her memories, but came up empty-handed and confused. From her left a soft knock sounded, and the fog started to clear. With a turn of her head, Ellie’s world turned upside down.

She was in a room. Four light blue walls surrounded her. Not the mangled car without a windshield. There was no black leather seat beneath her- it was white linen. And a knock sounded from the door on the far end of the space.

Over a scratchy dry throat, Ellie spoke, “c-come in?” Wary about what, or who, was on the other side, but knowing it must be important.

The door opened with precision, not squeaking and not quickly. A man revealed behind it. Ellie rubbed her eyes with her wool-covered hands to erase the heavy sleep she felt. When she focused in, she noticed the man’s one hand was clasped to his side, obviously holding something of value. _Was this her doctor? Was she still in the hospital?_ The questions raced through her fuzzy mind.

When Ellie offered no inquiry, the man spoke up. His voice was shockingly comforting, as if smooth honey on her wired nerves. It spread like a warmth radiating through her body. “Good morning, Ellie,” was all he said, yet somehow she felt more at ease than ever before.

A simple, “Good morning to you too sir,” was all she supplied. He hadn’t provided his name and she didn’t know it.

The man gracefully made his way over to her side of the bed before producing a cup of water from her nightstand. Ellie took it from him as she hadn’t realized it was even there until that moment—the room still a slight haze in her brain.

His clasped fist lifted and Ellie opened her palm in response- it seemed like the right thing to do. A tiny pink pill dropped into the center of her glove, and Ellie’s mind clicked.

“Time for pinky?” she asked, the cheerfulness to her voice a sudden shift, yet the man didn’t seem surprised.

A deep chuckle rumbled from his chest eliciting tingles through Ellie—a strange reaction to a total stranger, but she ignored it. “Yes, time for pinky, Ellie.”

Throwing the pink pill down the hatch followed with a gulp of water, Ellie complied wordlessly. Feeing almost renewed by something as simple as a swig of water, she moved to get herself ready for the day. She wasn’t sure where it originated, but she had the pull to do some gardening today. It would be the perfect distraction from thinking about her nightmare. A small shiver traveled down her spine, and the man tilted his head in response.

“Any plans today?” he asked though, seemingly ignoring her body’s previous motions.

“I think I’ll tend to my garden,” she said with a smile. “It always helps get my mind off...things.”

A dark look flashed across the man’s face before it was quickly replaced with a warm smile. “I’ve heard daisies are wonderful this time of year,” he supplied.

“It’s decided then, I’ll plant some daisies.” With a curt nod of her head, Ellie turned to change- effectively dismissing this kind man from her room.

* * *

The pattern was easy to follow—day by day her mind became less and less foggy. She’d wake up in her cozy room, take pinky from the man, and garden daisies. Every day, she remembered a little more of her nightmare. Every day, she thanked the man for pinky and each meal he brought her. Every day, she felt herself getting closer and closer to stepping out of this fog she was locked in.

* * *

“How does a walk sound, Ellie?” the man asked her one day.

The instinct to shelter herself from the outside world was robust- Ellie couldn’t put her finger on it, but the thought of fresh air frightened her. The soothing look in his eye pulled her to agree though. She couldn’t explain what this man did to her, but she knew it was helping- whatever it was.

* * *

The second the door opened, the light of the sun burst into her vision, effectively blinding her.

_A jolt forward._  
_Whiplash backwards._  
_Fading to black._  
_Snow white to devil red._  
_Nick, lifeless._

The sobs and screams shook her frame as she collapsed to the grass. His name rolling off her lips without ceasing, yet this time, a new memory escaped- she’d never said ‘I love you.’

“ _NICK! NIIIIIICK! NIIICK! I love you_ ,” the last part choked out past the lump that had formed in her throat. Much quieter, full of sorrow, she breathed, “ _I love you, Nick. Nick, I love you- I do._ ”

Strong hands enveloped her upper arms yet immediately they trailed to her wrists with a death grip. Slowly the cloud lifted and she heard his voice, “Ellie. Ellie, come back to me. El, _please_.” His voice cracked on the last word, as if he was physically pained.

Her eyes opened and instantly stung. Her skin felt sliced with tiny paper cuts—from her forehead to her cheeks. She moved to touch the source of the pain, but couldn’t. Glancing down she saw the man gripping her bare hands- they trembled slightly. Before she could protest his shackling of her hands, he spoke again- the mask to his voice back, “I think it’s time to tend those daisies, Ellie. Let’s get back inside.”

A nod of her head was all she could manage. Ellie allowed him to help her to stand, and with her hand still in his, she was led back to her sacred garden.

* * *

“How long are you going to try this?” Sounded from behind him. The voice was stern, but he could tell it was filled with guilt. “It’s tearing you apart.”

“She’s making progress,” his own voice firm, unwavering.

A weary hand clasped his shoulder. He felt the exhaustion of the older man in the simple gesture.

“Mmm.”

“She doesn’t take medication anymore, it’s placebo.” Who he was reassuring was lost on him.

“If you’re sure.”

A jerk of his head was the only response he could manage. _He refused to give up on her._

* * *

Ellie had awoken with less fanfare the following morning. Her nightmare still came, yet this time- it was different. Nick was no longer lifeless on the hood of the car. No, this time he was gone. Not standing to the side, or in the seat next to her- just, gone.

And instead of screaming herself awake, her eyes fluttered open in confusion and she had the most peaceful awakening in months.

Carefully, she pulled her gloves off finger by finger and stretched each individual one. Wiggling them, she paused to inspect the curves and contours of her fingers. She noticed her nails were cut extremely short, much shorter than she ever used to keep them. The polish was stripped off, leaving bare-looking duds of nail beds. With one hand, she reached up to touch her cheek, feeling the wetness of a tear that rolled down involuntarily. She brushed it away with a thumb, but halted her movement when she felt ridges underneath her fingertip. Moving her thumb back and forth, she struggled to place the feeling. It was like train tracks...but on her cheek. She switched to an index finger and followed one ridge up- over her cheekbone, under her eye, up to her brow bone and forehead. Ellie froze. _Did she...?_

Jumping out of bed she whipped her head around looking for a mirror. How she’d never realized there was not a single reflective surface in her room, she wasn’t sure. Ellie’s mind felt sharper than it had in ages though- she dove across the room to her small garden. Jerkily she lifted the small shovel and twisted it around so the back faced her. Raising it to be level with her face, Ellie peered at her reflection for the first time.

Scars.

Scars traversed her face amidst fresh scratches, presumably from yesterday’s incident.

The shovel clanged to the ground as Ellie dropped it like the metal burned her fingers. She didn’t notice she was shaking until strong arms wrapped around her from behind to steady her. A small part of her, long since buried, noted the hold was purposeful. It was a bear hugging tactic to calm anxiety attacks. It was to prevent self mutilation.

Slowly, the shaking became less and less vigorous. The arms carefully released her and she turned to face her savior.

The face she’d stared at daily for months now looked back at her with apprehension. But it was mixed with another emotion—it took a second to place, _love- that was love._

Ellie’s world seemed to abruptly come into focus. The series of prior events suddenly falling into place before her eyes. The man who saw her worst and still stood by her.

Her voice was barely above a whisper, “ _Nick_.”

The relief that shone through his tight features was nearly her undoing— _he was alive._

“Oh Ellie, you don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.” Nick’s content sigh was palpable.

“What- what happened to me?” she eeked out the question, terrified of what the answer would be.

“There’s time for that later, babe,” her nose wrinkled involuntarily at the nickname and Nick smiled genuinely I’m response. “I promise I’ll tell you when you’re ready.”

She nodded slowly, her mental state was fragile at this point- that much she’d realized from the discovery of the scars. Ellie glanced around the room before landing back on Nick, the urge to apologize for not saying it before overwhelming, but she settled on moving forward, “Nick, I love you- so, so much.”

She swore tears shone in his eyes, Nick blinked rapidly as he stepped closer to her, hand cupping her face as he stroked her ridged cheek as if it was still the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. “I love you too, my daisy.”

**Author's Note:**

> if it’s hard to read between the lines, here’s the cliffnotes:
> 
> Ellie subconsciously blacked out the events following the car crash & ended up with PTSD characterized by anxiety attacks & self harm (trying to gouge her eyes out to erase the image of Nick- who in her mind is dead, also why she doesn’t recognize him). Initially she needed medication to cope, but slowly with rehab & Nick’s help she was getting better. The blinding light of the outside triggered the “black out” to be lifted, and finally Ellie was able to remember the events post crash & recognize Nick again.
> 
> This very confusing storyline brought to you by “Don’t Blame Me” -TSwift.


End file.
